What's the difference between the good times and the boogie?

2500km down...Saturday night party night back in Sydney turned out to be a bit of a non-starter it being the 19th night in a row and all! On Sunday we visited Palm Beach the home of Home and Away. We ate chish and fips and wandered around. It was a bit grey and cloudy so it didn't look all that brilliant although considering how disappoited Martin was we figured he must have been expecting the entire cast of Home and Away from ten years ago (when he used to watch it) to be there to meet and greet him!

In the evening we went for some DAMN good pizza...and Stu informed us that human beings spend on average two whole weeks of their life kissing - we didn't think this sounded like too much until we worked out that we would have to kiss someone for two minutes every day for the rest of our lives and live till we were 100! Martin dragged us back to O'Malleys that evening which was DAMN busy so we squeezed ourselves into the corner and proceeded to get drunk! To be honest we were slightly too drunk and it was slightly too late by the time we got home considering we had to be at the bus pick up point at 7:40am for our wine tasting tour to the Hunter Valley. At 7am we were all a bit worse for wear and Madtin was distraught that he couldn't find his water bottle..."Where's my water bottle? I've lost my water bottle" (repeat 50 times) It's a miracle we made it on time!

After we picked everyone up our guide Steve-o talked for what felt like a million years while we were all quite eager to sleep. When he stopped at the servo and the golden arches shined down on us - you should have seen Amy run! Only one thing on her mind...sausage and egg mcmuffins :) At 11am we arrived at our first winery - excellent, 7/8 tastings, some shortbread and chocolate cake later it is debateable whether we feel more or less sick than at 7am!

Winery #2 - 6/7 more tastings (it's a weekday so they are far more generous with the number of tastings they give you), Schnoo has already bought two bottles and then Madtin buys us one for our lunch!! It was another best ever on the lunch front - we had panish bread sandwiches (which in some french/english language almost translates as breadish bread!) which in another language means focaccia! Some cheese, some more wine and more purchases later and we are on our way back to Sydney! Sleeping all the way :)

Alison returned back to the brood from New Zealand so we went out for dinner to catch up. We found a place that sold cheap sangria and realised once we'd ordered it that it was soo cheap because the jugs were the size of sparrows!

We almost slept in too late to go to the Blue Mountains the next day but decided to go anyway...going via the best ever sandwich shop on the way to calm Martin's cravings/moanings. We visited Katoomba and the three sisters, walked down a giant staircase, trekked through the woods and came back up on the steepest railway in the world ever! Then when we got to the top we realised we were miles away from the car and had to get a cable car...it was ace, the floor was all frosted over and then halfway across is all vanished so you could see through it!

We went for our final best ever $10 steaks that evening and then headed to the Empire for some dancing and general fun...at one stage Stu and I were trying to do the splits?!?! It was a fab last night!

And that's all folks...we took Madtin and Schnoo to the airport the next morning and said some more teary g'byes :( We miss you guys already...come back, come back!

I don't feel like dancing

Our next stop was Coff's Harbour and the joyous Hoey Moey's (hotel motel?). A room to ourselves which thus far didn't resemble a sauna...yesss! It just had about ten light switches and only the one light?! Since Madtin ordered a sandwich at lunchtime that he didn't even like (the worst sandwich in the world ever) we were first in line at the restaurant and in plenty of time for the evenings entertainment - karaoke! Natalie Imbruglia was first up which pleased Martin no end since we got to renew his everlasting connection with her. Julie is also worth a mention - she was bouncing around to everybody elses songs and trying to whip the crowd into a frenzy with her own! We decided we could entertain ourselves better by playing pool in the other room.
No-one was really paying attention to the score until Martin suggested that whoever won the next game was the overall winner - no surprise that me and Amy won! Then Stu was named player of the match for his attempts at continuing to play pool even when the ball fell of the table and went under the games machine.

Time to mention the saga of Martin's flybite...it may not sound too serious people but from the amount of moaning that came along with it you'd have thought he'd been bitten by a crocodile - it was agony (honestly!) he was even having trouble standing at one point?! - those of us that know Martin might think that this was the alcohol affecting his ability to stand up - as it usually does, but you must believe us when we tell you it was definitely the flybite causing him problems!

The next morning we were rudely awaken firstly by the cleaning lady screaming "Are you checking out today?" to what could have been the entire town as opposed to just one room, and then secondly by Madtin's electric razor which I can only assume he thought we wouldn't hear since our room was so large?! It was like trying to sleep on a lawn that was being mowed! Even with the early wake up we still didn't make it to the pet porpoise pool in time to kiss any dolphins so instead we ate! Then spent the afternoon discovering the Royal Botanic Gardens.

In the evening we played canasta, unfortunately I got to be on Martin's team...it was not a pretty sight! There is no I in 'Martin's team'...oh, hang on a minute, yes there is! :)

Good skills!

On our way to Surfer's Paradise we visited Australia Zoo - nothing much to report from here apart from the amazingly slow shuttle service that runs between the different animal enclosures...it is actually quicker to walk to your destination backwards.

When we got to Surfers beer and food was the order of the day - we headed to the main street, ate, drank, listened to live music and watched the schoolies go by.

Schoolies by definition are all the young bunnies who have just or are about to graduate high school. They migrate to Surfers, fake i.d's in hand and try to get into any bar or club that will have them! For everyone else it means there is the potential to be i.d'd if you even think about alcohol no matter how old you look (unless you look at old as Madtin!) - we all contemplated shaving in some temporary bald spatches to see if that helped any! Since some of the schoolies can't get into any bars, they get drunk in their apartments and take to the streets being loud and screaming at each other.

The band we saw was most amusing - almost like they had picked the first four people in the job centre queue and plonked them into a band, including a drummer with an annoying incessant out of time cymbal beat going on. And the guitarist was Napoleon Dynamite with slightly less hair and some skills thankfully, he was hilarious. Amy was the beer mat flipping/catching champion of the world ever. On one side of us we had all the old cronies in the bar getting drunk and trying to dance and on the other side were all the schoolies screaming for no apparent reason - very surreal. We saw Amy's 21st birthday in that night - Happy Birthday Belle.

We spent the day on the beach doing Su Doku challenges - now renamed Schnoo Doku since we realised Schnoo was the Schnoo Doku King...whoever came 2nd (Madtin), 3rd and 4th really isn't that relevant...! Surprisingly there isn't too many surfers in Surfers Paradise, in fact I think we saw none! We exchanged the windy beach for the hostel pool in the afternoon and the jacuzzi, it also had a sauna in the shape of our room! Luckily it was all you can eat pizza night :) After stuffing our pieholes we hung out with the Swedish contingent, learning tricks, and singing Happy Birthday to Amy in swedish which Madtin somehow managed to join in with?!

We went back to the old mans pub in the evening (because it was preferable to hanging out with the 16-18 year olds). We played some games and listened to the band until everything got a bit blurry then headed to the club called Bedroom and danced the night away- this is Madtin's dream club since it had beds all around the edge of the room :)

The next day we headed to the beach again because secretly we love been wind beaten by all the sand! It was a very chilled out last evening at an Irish bar (that's the only kind of bar there is in Australia)

Eggcellent

Now back to the schedule...the tide comes in in three hours, we need to be off the beach by then. Indian Head is about 1hr and 20mins drive away and there is a couple of things to see on the way - Challenge Anneka here we come (obviously adhering to the speed limit at all times huh maggot!?) And we made it, bypassing Eli Creek but stopping briefly at the shipwreck on the beach we got to Indian Head. Babs had fulfilled her walking quota for 2006 and 2007 by that time so she didn't climb it with the rest of us. Alex however took it one step futher and climbed out onto the rock face. This was our first hint that he was a little bit weird.

We made it back with minutes to spare with only two hairy moments when we hit some soft sand at speed and getting bogged trying to get off the beach onto our campsite - we were home and dry (minus the small wave that caught us!)

It was a fairly civilised start to the evening with food and chat and then Alex came out of his shell and decided he wanted to throw some eggs!?!?!?!? It was like some whirlwind of inspiration flew through the camp and suddenly Martin transformed into Bruce Forsyth and was playing Higher or Lower with a twist. Add two jokers to the pack and whoever gets the joker has an egg thrown at them by the person sitting before them. Obviously said person has a chance to get away from the egg-thrower but in a comedy manner; run for 5 seconds, hopping, kangaroo style, on all fours, in a duel, victim has a spade...I don't think the entire thing would hae been quite so funny had Arianne not received 80% of all the eggs (considering she had them many thrown at her she was surprisingly unscathed).

The finale was two teams taking each other on in an egg and spoon race - the losers then have the remaining eggs thrown at them, we were on the verge of losing until Alex ran straight past the marker where he had to turn around...a bit stupid after having just watched the other three members of his team run around it.

On Sunday we packed up the camp and headed back to Lake Mckenzie where we ate some more sausages and bacon and did some more bathing. Our last mission was to get back to the barge on time which we managed....us being the bright sparks that we are decided we would stroll along the beach to the barge and let Martin drive it on, thus lowering the risk of getting bogged and we dont have to experience the big bump back onto the barge...the driver of the barge was having other ideas though and when he started screaming over the tanoy "STAY WITH THE TRUCK" our stroll turned into a sprint...Babs was not happy :( We think Martin caught the brunt of his wrath since we were all too tired to move by the time we got to it!

We arrived back at the hostek, unpacked, had our final check up with Yo Merv and finally...STOP....SHOWER TIME!

Lot's o' steak and chips please!!

Momentum is your friend

Fraser Island continued...we made it to the barge with a big jolt and some directions and we were on our way, 5 minutes later we were on the Island...let the games begin! Immediately we got bogged in the sand - reverse reverse, forward, reverse reverse, forward, "everybody out, everybody push". This ended up being our first of many experiences of standing in the hot dirty sand pushing the 4x4 out of a hole - that's it, no going back now we all look like sand monster (hot dirty ones ;) Fortunately we didn't look too stupid because another truck got bogged a lot worse that us!!

"Momentum is definitely your friend" until you have to sit in a queue for the high tide track. Another car up ahead had gotten stuck, an older couple who clearly hadn't had the "don't keep trying to drive out of it if you get bogged" speech because sure enough the dude continued to plough himself into the sand and cover his wife in sand in the process...well if she will be silly enough to stand right behind the front tyre?! She got a few facefuls of the hot dirty sand and Madtin thought this was the funniest thing ever :) Since all the other trucks had driven past us when we were bogged and jeered at us we didn't feel too guilty about sitting back and watchig the spectacle from afar! Fortunately for that couples health and safety the car in front of us was feeling a little more saintly and got out and helped them push!

From the bumpy high tide track we hit the bumpy beach and Ariane took over the driving. It wasn't long before we needed a pee stop (pee status about a 8/10) since Alex, Jim and Mark had started drinking about three hours previous! We discovered many things on our trip - Arianne liked to soar towards washouts with no sign of stopping and Martin did the same with potholes!

Our first stop was Lake McKenzie - up the most awful track you've ever seen...we all know they are 4x4's, I am not sure the theory needs to be tested that badly!? All thoughts of this being a relaxing weekend go straight out the window! Somehow Arianne had managed to sneak a bag of condiments onto the roof-rack, things like; jam, peanut butter, salt, cinnamon (all the necessities!), unfortunately the bag split and before we even realised I think we left a trail of bread crumbs/condiments all the way to the lake! It was totally worth it though - Lake Mckenzie may possibly be one of the most perfect places we have seen on our entire trip so far, words and photos will never do it justice.

We bathed and ate and sat and bathed - we left that beach all clean and shiny which lasted all of 5 seconds once we got back to the truck. We picked a prime spot to set up camp (prime:- defn.; a spot that doesn't smell too much like pee) - four tents , two eskys (one for food, one for drink), two crates of pots and pans (wine tastes so good from a metal cup!), a lot of spare alcohol and a lot of spare food and we settled in for the evening - what no-one was expecting was how tired we would be and when we all started thinking it was midnight when it was actually 9pm - we realised there wasn't much hope for the evening!

Early the next morning we were forced out of our tents which had miraculously transformed into saunas...another feast of bacon, sausages, eggs and beans and we had a plan!! The Plan: to walk to Lake Wabby for the morning. Fortunately Arianne had seen a sign which said Lake Wabby this way -----> off we trot and about 45 minutes later we reach the end of this pretty tough driving track up the side of a mountain/large hill. Turns out we had walked to a lookout - since Lake Wabby is supposed to be a short distance from the camping area across a relatively easy walking track we figured we had walked in the wrong direction! We felt like we'd come too far to turn back and that the other track from the lookout would definitely lead to the lake....luckily Madtin was being ever-encouraging with his "we are doomed" and "either way you look at it we're screwed" comments! Another hour or so later and we gathered once again to discuss our plight. Is it best to continue up this really steep hill or head to the campsite that we saw a sign for five minutes ago which is only another 2.5kms through the woods. It was a unanimous decision to head for the woods. We contemplated the For Your Safety sign before heading into the woods...and realised we were breaking about 7/10 of the recommendations...no thongs, tell someone where you are going, bring plenty of water, not in the midday sun (the list went on).

Eventually we met another track going to Lake Wabby and after crossing the burning sand dunes we all crashed into the water. Another spectacular sight - this greenishly clear lake surrounded by forests and sand dunes - we even spotted an eagle or two! We stayed long enough to recover our breath and some senses - there was no hope for our feet by this point, another 1.8km back to the beach (the right way!) and up to the campsite - we think we walked over 10kms that morning.

George? Michael? Tim? Tom? Nick? Matt? Charles?

The next morning Schnoo was sacked from any further dispensing liquid duties after he marinaded Betty in oil! We headed to Rainbow Beach in preparation for our Fraser Island tour, before our group meeting in the afternoon we visited the Sandblow - which turned out to be a runway made of sand for the hangliders. Some excellent views of the beach although we still couldn't figure out why it was called Rainbow Beach?!

A small amount of time for a table tennis tournament, which Martin lost since his ball spent most of the time on the ground or outside! Then we headed off to meet the gang...Babara - Babs the german legend who thought everything was funny, hated walking, hated hills and loved Harry Potter (Amy got a full rendition of the story on one of our long walks up a hill!), Arianne - another german who spoke amazing english bt maybe couldn't read/interpret it all that well - she is also the beetroot lover and silent Haika - her travelling partner although you would never know since they barely spoke to each other, and the competitive three - Alex, Jim and Mark from Newcastle. We had two safety videos to watch, which usefully informed us that if we were to be attacked by dingos you have to put your hands across your chest and back away slowly...looking forward to this already! Then we had to brainstorm a shopping list for the next three days, luckily everyone was of the same opinion that they didn't want to go hungry so we ended up spending $220 for the 10 of us for seven meals!

If you cross Big Brother with Supermarket Sweep - that's pretty much what our shopping trip looked like! We survived unscathed apart from a few unecessary provisions which we had to buy to keep everyone happy, namely sweetcorn, peas and beetroot...for sandwiches don't you know! It seemed we did better than another group who were also in the supermarket with a fairly empty trolley and were already arguing as to whether butter or mayonnaise was the way forward!? Oh, and don't forget biscuits for the biscuit king!! Back at the hostel we are told to store everything in the fridge to keep it all together...chilled toilet rolls, excellent :)

That evening we sat around for the last supper, played some pool and drank proper pints for the first time in ages...not sure how well that went down the next morning when we had to get up to meet everyone at 7:30am! We packed up the van and went for our checkup at Yo Merv's garage - we figured his routine is very well rehearsed by this point in time with his 'covering your nipples ain't gonna scare no dingo away' joke being one of his favourites...his useful advice was to hit it with a spade! Also his 'Momentum is your friend' advice turned out to be really useful along the way especially when we were taking the mick out of Yo Merv. Oh, then there was his horsefly dance which was our first warning about the inch long disgusting flies that hound you as soon as you get on the island.

With everyone and everything on board we headed down to the barge and and the beach and the 4x4 experience! As soon as we hit the sand we started bouncing around all over the place and that didn't really stop for the next three days!!

Currently listening to:- Ghetto Gospel, Elton John ft. Twin Pac

Next stop on dumb and dumber's big trip is Byron Bay. With Amy navigating and Martin driving it was a bit of a disaster to be honest...everytime Amy said LEFT, Martin ignored her, every time she said RIGHT, he ignored her again...there was a lot of turning round and doubling back on ourselves before we managed to arrive safe and sound! Upon arrival we booked ourselves onto a sunrise tour which unfortunately ruled out any activity apart from sleeping for that evening. We did manage to catch Australian Idol though, which by the way if you haven't heard was won by an Irish guy?!?!

We did indeed make it up in time to watch the sunrise and then went straight back to bed afterwards for another much needed six hours sleep, zzz zzz zzz. As much as we like to give off the air that we are footloose and fancy free and just drift from place to place with no real idea of where we are actually going it doesn't really work so well when you have to be back in Sydney to catch a flight on a certain day at a certain time...I held a planning session - I was the only one that showed up ;) Well whatever trevor!

Has anyone ever heard Martin sneeze?? He sounds a bit like a child making gun noises! We made up this great game where Amy, Schnoo and I had to "shoot" Madtin whenever he sneezed and the winner (whoever shot him first) got a point! Points didn't mean prizes though unfortunately...Amy was on about 100 points by the time we left (she was on the ball a lot more than the rest of us it would seem) We would encourage everyone to take part in this game if you are hanging out with Martin since it seemed to bring him so much joy! Oh, how I have missed the constant..."Gemma Layton!!" (even when it isn't my fault!).

We visited our favourite Thai restaurant and ate far too much then headed to the pub for the 10th night in a row! We had another night out in the infamous Cheeky Monkeys which was jam-packed with School kids who didn't leave us a whole lot of room to dance on the tables. We met a "cracker" of a guy called Michael - "G'day, I'm from Bedford". We eventually got onto the topic of sports and he eagerly threw in the question "Who do you think is going to win the cricket??", well maate, in all honesty we aren't going to take any gip from someone who thinks Manchester Utd is the best football team in England and that David Beckham is their best player.

WELCOME TO QUEENSLAND! We stopped in the Glasshouse Mountains for a night and spent the afternoon learning how to play town/crown green bowls...maybe not huh Madtin!? Turns out this town is home to the Beegees...Barry Gibb, Gibb Gibb and Dead Gibb. We checked into Steve Irwin's brother's hotel and ended up with a whole wooden hut to ourselves! Nice one!

It took us all day to realise that something wasn't quite right in this new found state. First of all the lady at the bowls club told us we shouldn't really be going outside between 12 and 2pm, even though it was 3pm, then the lady at the bar of the bowls club wouldn't serve us even though she said she opened at 3pm and it was now 4pm, the cafe was supposed to shut at 5pm but was still open at 5:30, the 5 o'clock news was on at 6pm?! And the Simpson's and Neighbours didn't start at their usual times....after all this had happened, it was only because there was a small mention on the news about Queensland Don't Do Daylight Savings that we realised we had been an hour ahead of ourselves all day....you big eejits!

The story of the Glasshouse Mountains in brief goes a bit like this...Adam you'll like this one; a family (represented by the mountains) were running away and the Daddy said to his eldest son to help his mother, the eldest son decides that his mother is too fat to be saved so runs off on his own. Then the Dad throws something heavy at the boy and breaks his neck (he is the mountain with the crooked top) and the family disown him for the rest of his life. Turns out the mother wasn't fat...she was actually pregnant (she is the pregnant looking mountain) the other 15 mountains represented the rest of their children but weren't really anything to do with the story! Instead of climbing up any of the mountains we decided we would drive to the scenic lookout instead, this was more difficult than expected when Madtin drove past the sign saying Lookout - arguing he didn't think that was the turning to the Lookout because it didn't have 'Scenic' before it!?

Kiss the Camel

Friday morning and our big east coast adventure begins. First of all we hit Port Maquarie or
Port Maguire as Madtin 'dont let me forget to put suntan lotion on my bald spatch' Gravy like to call it. We stopped off in Newcastle for lunch (Dave (Dave who?...Dave Jay) why-eye man) where Amy spat on schnoo, madtins kit kat fed the 5000 and where the art of kite flying has not yet been realised. Thankfully since we have left Sydney Martin has given up his "fun" game of pelting me with his dirty socks...nice. There is now a new game though... the random sign reading game ...... "Aqua Diving Centre"!

In Port Maguire we BBQ'd and drank and played some canasta...Madtin (bad_loser@hotmail.com) lost three games and won only one...Martins version of these events (Dave (Dave who?...Dave Jay) can verify this) goes something along the lines of "Me and Amy won Canasta"! His run of bad luck/lack of skills may have had something to do with his concentration being elsewhere that evening - like more on his biscuits. At hostel closing time we went back to our little hut and Madtin got 'tired' as soon as he saw his bed! So we stole his pillow and duvet and when this didnt work we had to hide his matress to stop the inevitable! Does any one want a biscuit?

We found a whale watching tour that was still running, should have guessed it may not have been the most successful trip in the world considering the other three tour operators had shut down saying it was "Out of Season"! But as an added bonus we got a free river cruise and saw some posh Dawson's Creek style houses which we now plan to retire in. We went to a fish farm and fed the fish then the organisers fed us...tea and cake which Martin spat back out right at the point we had asked a stranger to take a photo of us all. Martin took an award winning photo of a seaplane and then declared himself a Loser. Unfortunately it was McHappy day so we sampled some Big Macs in order to 'help the children', we played some more cards, had another BBQ, some more goon and then took a jaunt to the local irish bar (no wonder an irish guy won the australian pop idol competition!) Schnoo made a new maate, chris who liked foodie (rugby) and thought Martin was called Martian - "Wow that's a strange name, haven't heard that one before"...serves you right for slurring your words I guess Madtin :) We found a breathaliser machine which confirmed our suspisions that Madtin was the most drunk out of all of us. Despite this, a more drunk local asked us for a lift down the road, presumably because we had the ability to blow into the straw so couldn't have been that drunk!

The next morning we got up early to pack and whale watch. It was a lot of fun to begin with...all of us brimming with hope and the possibility we may actually see a whale. (First time i've ever been on a boat and been handed a life jacket and been told to put it on straight away - how to install confidence in your customers!) The boat ride was a little bumpy then we all move up the front of the boat and start getting a little wet, then start getting a little seasick. Stu took the brunt of it although I wasnt too far behind him :( My saving grace was the dolphins that arrived to play alongside the boat! It was amazing. There was a sighting of a whale but it definitely was the one that got away beacuse we didnt see it again. Aye well, better luck next time i guess.

Would you rather?

Day two of the big trip was beach day which was conveneient since Wednesday turned out to be gale force winds day, we went to Bondi Beach which is stunning although maybe a little smaller than everyone expected (you can always find something wrong with these world famous landmarks!) We sat on the beach and watched the world go by, which turned out to be quite amusing at times ;)

Top tip #1 for anyone who is planning to visit Bondi Beach - do not wait at the last bus stop in the town and do not assume the queue system works...it does not. We waited for ages and watched five buses go by before we managed to get on one and it was still amazingly crowded. In such a crowded situation you might normally avoid talking about the forty people sitting within earshot of you - to disguise this Martin used a cryptic code which I guess you could say you would have to be finely tuned to crack..."the person not on my right" (NB: I feel it worth noting at this point that the "woman" not on my right to which Madtin refers so subtley, actually turns out to be a man!). We were also treated to a rendition of Hitler's one arm band walking through the park though!

In the evening we discovered the best steak in the world ever (see later blog) and it only cost $10!! This was also the beginning of the 'Public Displays of Affection Campaign' going on in Sydney...unfortunately we have been privey to a bit too much "action" for any of our likings recently - "GET A ROOM PEOPLE"! The evening ended in O'Malleys drinking jugs of beer for $8 (= 3 pounds) and singing along with the karaoke king who seems to perform there every night of the week. Then Madtin got "tired", luckily Amy's shoulder was in slouching distance!

Australia is a multi-cultural society steeped in ancestary... particularly of our aboriginal friends who live amongst the hustle and bustle of the busy Sydney streets. It would almost be forgiveable to walk past them each day without noticing they even exist... almost like they blend into the background.... so much so that when they are pointed out to you, you might say "why does everyone keep pointing out tramps to me??" Madtin would like me to admit that this was my dappy moment of the holiday...hello, my name is Gemma and I am sometimes a stupid as a pencil :)

On Wednesday we visited the Royal Botanic Gardens of Sydney in search of colourful birds and fruit bats. We did see some cockatoos but this wasn't good enough for Madtin, the fruit bats though are UUUUGLY! It was another day for a 'Best Ever in the World Ever' - this time for sandwiches (again see later blog). We went over to Coogee in the evening to drop some stuff off at Matt's house (otherwise we would have had to of dragged Martins stuff behind the car by a piece of string)...thanks Matt! It was all going smoothly until I made us all get off the bus at the wrong stop and then had to charm the next bus driver to let us back on the bus to enable us to reach our expected destination... by basically admitting to him and the entire bus that I had been a bit of a numpty and got off at the wrong stop!!